Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Track 04

 I remember the exact day that I discovered music.

     I was in third grade and mentioned to a classmate that I didn't know what song she was singing because I only listened to Christian music (and by that I meant whatever was playing on Christian radio in 2001).
     
    She replied by telling me her older brother listened to that stuff and really liked the song "Jesus Freak" by a band called DCTalk.
    
     Like the smooth talking nine year old that I was I told her about how much I liked that song too and then asked Jesus to forgive me for the bold faced lie I just uttered. I had never heard of the song before but much to my surprise my parents had a copy of the album of the same name. I went into my room that day and fell in love.
    

     Crescendoed rock beats, 90's rap lyrics and a face melting guitar riffs wooed my ears and I became in that very moment a music enthusiast.    
     I have probably listened to that album over the last decade and a half several thousand times and know it completely inside out. It was the first album I downloaded onto my first generation iPod shuffle (the one shaped like a pack of chewing gum and could hold an awe-inspiring one hundred and twenty songs) and I have had to re-burn the physical copy of the CD several times because I keep wearing them out.
    
    But when I say that I have always loved that album, I really mean that I have always loved most of that album. The truth is, I spent years skipping over the fourth track.
    
   The first two songs on the album in my mind built up to the title track of "Jesus Freak" which embodied everything I have always wanted to be. It is the anthem of the radical Christian who stands in the face of adversity to defend their faith despite how strange they look to the world. It is the song of a Christian who is on fire and cannot be stopped and quite frankly, it just rocks. The musical energy of the song matches the energy of the lyrics in a way that is contagious and immediately appealing to the listener.
   
   And then there is Track 04.
   
     As if to intentionally ruin the vibe of feeling awesome about your faith, the song "What if I Stumble" begins with the simple declaration that "the greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians...who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds, unbelievable."
     Talk about a Debbie Downer.
   
     You can see why nine year old me would be eager to skip over this song that felt so slow compared to the track before and did not have a single rap interlude. But now I am older and want to skip over the song for different reasons.
    The truth is I don't want to think about what would happen if I stumble in my faith and lead someone astray. I don't want to ask myself "is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord, or do I simply serenade for things I must afford." But if I stay on track 03 that only proclaims my outward enthusiasm for the things of God without ever going to track 04 which confesses a humbling set of doubts and fears I miss out on the message.
     You cannot be a Jesus Freak who is boldly speaking truth if you are not humbly aware of your own failures and shortcomings and postulating what those failures could do to the people you are supposed to be speaking truth to. The hype of the Jesus Freak is not enough without the mature humility that comes with recognizing the consequences of screwing up.
      Aside from a deeply ingrained appreciation for music, this album has taught me the simple truth that is sometimes OK to be two different things at once. You can be the guy who is storming the gates of Hell with reckless abandon and be the guy who is questioning his own salvation at the same time. In fact, I think that is the preferred and healthiest way of pursuing God.
     But just like we cannot just stay on the hype of track 03 for too long without being imbalanced in our faith, so we cannot stay on track 04 and be so plagued with fear and doubt that we never move. We have to move on to track 05.
     Track 05 of this album is the DCTalkified version of the old camp hymn "Day by Day" which focused on the incredible need to God's provision of Himself in our daily life. We are to go through life one day at a time constantly pursuing only what God can give us. Sometimes the super Christian that the outside world sees is really crumbling in fear on the inside. That's OK, because when you finally see that you do not have it all together you begin to actually be used by God instead of just singing about it. And that, I believe, is what we all want.
     In the meantime, I am going to keep listening the the Greatest album of my generation over and over again and praying that DC Talk gets back together and makes beautiful music again before Jesus comes back.  

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