Nickels

Let’s say I have a nickel in my pocket. I don’t, but let’s say I do.
A nickel isn’t much at all, but it is my only nickel. I have a delusion that this nickel could really go a long way but deep down I know it is just a nickel.
Now let’s say a man comes to me and offers me a deal. He says that he has pockets bulging with hundred dollar bills. He has so much that he wants to give it all away, and he has come up to me personally to give me some. Unfortunately there is a catch. I have to give up my nickel, my only nickel, if I want to get one of his hundred dollar bills. It is a hard decision.
It may sound ridiculous but we are offered a proposition like this every day and most of us refuse to give our nickels.
We are nothing. Most of our lives will never even get close to touching history. We make no impact that lasts longer than a century at best. The very best we can do with all of our strength and wisdom is become liked for a couple years by people who are also going to die pretty soon. Chances are, no one is going to remember you in a hundred years because your life won’t matter that much.
Wow, now that is a real bummer.
If this were all there was to humanity it wouldn’t even be worth talking about. In the words of announcers of infomercials everywhere- “But wait, there’s more!”
If all you could ever obtain was a nickel you have no point of living at all, but the thing is you have the capability of obtaining a pocket full of hundred dollar bills. God wants to give you eternity and destiny, wisdom and power, but above all purpose and meaning. He created you to amount to more than a nickel. All you have to do is give up the nickel.
Let’s say you have two nickels in your pocket. Two whole nickels! The same man comes to you and offers you the same deal. You saw that he gave a hundred dollar bill to me for the cost of one nickel, so you get this idea in your head. What if you only gave part of what was in your pocket? You could still receive the blessing but never have to risk losing everything.
The cost for what God wants to give you isn’t any specific amount; it is whatever you have in your pocket. Two nickels for a hundred dollar bill is still a deal no one can wrap their head around but it seems it is harder give it all when you have more to give.
Up until recently I honestly thought I had given everything in me to God. I didn’t think I was holding back and I was wondering why God wasn’t holding up His end of the bargain. Then God showed me more nickels in my pocket.
The thing about the change in our pocket is that the only reason it is there is because it was given to us. They weren’t ever ours in the first place, but God’s. Imagine if Thomas Jefferson was the man wanting your nickels. It would be a lot harder to deny him when you realize it is his face on your nickels.
The nickel I had been holding on to was my idea of what God wanted for me. It was almost as if I was saying “God I will give you this nickel if and only if you give me the hundred dollar bill that has the exact serial number I tell you.” We want God to give us our idea of what is perfect for us or we won’t give Him all of us.
Think about Abraham.
Abraham used to be called Abram and had been called that his whole life, which was a long time. Abram was pretty old, like really old. One starry night God tells Abram that one day he will have more descendants than the stars in the sky. He tells him that through him will be born a great nation. Did I mention he was old? His wife was old too, way too old to be giving birth to anybody.
Fast forward a little bit and we see that Isaac is born despite his parents’ old age and Abram is now Abraham which means father of many nations. Abraham can now see that what God promised is actually going to happen. Then everything changes.
God says to Abraham in Genesis 22:2 “Take your son, your only Son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”
But God!? You promised nations to come from me and now you are taking away my only heir. He is my only nickel!
Sometimes the things we are holding on to are good things that God has promised us. The bottom line though, is that we can’t give God our entire heart if we have reserved a piece of it for someone else or for something that God has promised. We cannot have both hands to the plow when one hand is holding on to what we think God should be giving us, or even what He promised us.
To be a disciple means that you are daily searching your pockets for more nickels you can trade in for hundred dollar bills.
Abraham got what he was promised because he showed that he loved God more than the things that he was promised from him. He was willing to give everything he had to get so much more.
Jim Eliot once said “He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
Give up the stupid nickel, God has more for you than that.

The Sandwich Board God

We have spent the last week at a church plant in Columbia, South Carolina. Most of the week was spent doing construction work in renovating the building to get it ready for the church to open next month. Friday, however, we had the opportunity to wake up early and help out with handing free coffee and donuts to the cars that drove by.
I somehow was assigned the duty of sign-holder.
We all know the fundraisers and car washes that subject certain members of the organization to the job of holding a sign and drawing as much attention to themselves as possible. They are the idiots on the sidewalk.
Friday I got to be the idiot on the sidewalk.
I had my poster board advertising the free gifts, my forced smile, and my gesturing arm pointing the direction of the donuts. I had to have seen thousands of cars out there that passed me by, ignoring by every effort they could muster the idiot with the dancing poster board.
It amazed me that so many people would refuse free donuts. The idea of refusing any food for that matter has never occurred to me. There was no catch, no gimmick, and no commitment yet people still kept driving.
This, of course got me thinking.
How many of us just keep driving when God is trying to give us free Life. He is offering the greatest gift of all and we keep driving by.
Bare with me, this might get cheesy. I am a Christian, and if there is one thing Christians are good at, it is being cheesy.
As I stood on that corner waving that sign I noticed a lot different responses of the drivers that whizzed by. The one I noticed the most was where people would catch a glance of the 6-foot idiot with a sign out of the corner of their eye and immediately turn the other way. It was as if they were afraid that if they looked at the sign too long they would be hypnotized into buying a timeshare they could never get out of or donating their blood to some bizarre cause. They did not even want to know what the sign said because they already convinced they did not want what I was offering.
Maybe they were so determined to get where they were going that they could not let anything distract them from their goal, even if it would have been beneficial to them. Maybe they had stopped to read the signs before and had been sucked into something that hurt them and burned them from ever reading a sign like that again.
We do this to God all the time. He does something small to get our attention and let us know that He already has everything we could ever want and need and just wants to give it to us and we just keep driving.
It is a sobering and humbling thought when we realize that God is willing to be the idiot on the sidewalk just to give us everything we want in life.
Some people found themselves reading my sign, possibly by accident, and would smile and wave at me. I got the impression that they felt they were supporting me by waving at me. Like they felt that smiling and waving was just as good as pulling over and receiving the free gift. I could imagine that they were thinking something like “I know I am better than those jerks who just drove by without even acknowledging this poor kid, so I will just give a little smile and it will be enough. I don’t have to actually receive the gift; I just have to acknowledge that it is there.”
So many of us just acknowledge God. We might give Him credit for the creation of the universe or the story you saw on the news about the child who survived a house fire but do we ever pull over and receive what He has to offer. Do we ever benefit from our acknowledgement? God did more than acknowledge you- in fact He has done everything possible to know you. He wants to be in a relationship with you and take away your pain. He wants to be a part of your life and let you get to know Him as deeply as He knows you. He wants to give you free donuts.
There were a good amount of cars that drove by, read the sign, and then would proceed to hold up a cup of coffee. It was as if they were saying “Hey idiot with the sign, I support what you are doing and all, but I already have everything you are trying to give me. By my own effort I have fulfilled all of my needs and my wants without you. You seem like a good kid but I don’t need you. Try the next car.”
What if there is more? Sure you may be able to raise a family on your own- you may even be able to become a business success on your own, maybe you have discovered that you have the capability of making all your dreams come true by your own effort without any help at all.
Who do you think made you with that ability? Who do you think gave you the “common sense” and determination you have always counted on to get you where you are going?
You can try it on your own, you might make it. God created you to do more than just make it. He created you to thrive and be more than you can imagine being. He created you to be more than what you are right now.
God is standing on your street corner. If you have ever prayed for a sign then you better be prepared to pull over when you see one. You have the decision; will you keep driving down the road you have traveled that you know ends in a ditch anyway having no regard to what He is trying to tell you? Or will you just pull over and pick up your free donuts?

Captains Log: Saturday, September 18th

It has been an interesting time since I have been back with the team, which has been about two weeks now.
Last week we were at home in Macon doing evangelism training and debriefing from our last tour. It was good to be back with the team and at our apartment with a more relaxed pace than we usually move. I am glad I got a week to ease back into reality before going someplace new again.
Last week was the longest we had spent at home and the guys and I are still getting used to life on our own. I am learning how to cook because I really would like to continue eating on a daily basis and lack the sufficient funds to go anywhere. I made spaghetti which actually turned out pretty good- I gave myself a pat on the back.
Sunday morning we loaded up in the Armada and headed to Georgetown South Carolina. Notice I said “Armada” and not “15 passenger van.” An SUV is really not suitable for a lot of people going a long way no matter how nice it actually is. Please help us pray for the funds to purchase a van. We fully believe it will happen because God has provided EVERYTHING we could need but for now we just have to get used to our butts falling asleep from lack of space and air on our long trips.
Anyway we headed to Georgetown where our missions director Pastor Jessica was speaking. I got the awesome opportunity to share my testimony during the service. God orchestrated everything to fit because what I said went right along with the message and the congregation really connected when I talked about Caleb. Apparently about a month ago two girls from their youth group were in a tubing accident that left one student dead and another with a broken femur. I felt very humbled that God could use what I had been through to comfort them without me even knowing it.
Afterwards the Pastor treated us to Hardees (I refrained from getting the greatest burger in the world- the Monster thick Burger- because of how much it cost) and we made the three hour trek to Columbia, SC where we spent the remainder of the week at a brand new church that is opening up there. We spent the week doing a lot of manual labor in renovating the building. We did everything from buffering floors to scraping paint to pulling weeds. I was really thankful that God let me worship Him with boring monotonous work instead of the self glorifying stuff I am used to.
It was a different sort of trip for the team, being less evangelistic in nature and more serving. On the few occasions we got to go out with the sole purpose of sharing the Gospel with strangers we didn’t have the luck that we had had on our previous journeys but it was ok because I believe we were a blessing to the church and that’s what counts. We learned a lot, too, from the pastor and his staff about the nature of church planting and pastoral ministry.
We got home last night and have an off day today. The guys and I are still trying to settle into the apartment, and it is actually starting to look like home. We now have couches, a rug, a TV, and the microwave should come later today. What we still don’t have is internet so I am writing this from a comfortable chair at a Barnes and Noble.
Tomorrow we work at the Dome for an afternoon game, which means we have to be there at 6 am. It will be an early morning and a long day but it is ok because we have another off day Monday and we are home for more training this week before we head out to a weeklong revival in Lagrange.

Early Morning Revelations and Lost Extremities

I woke up this morning at 4:30, only to discover that my left arm was missing. This really confused me, because I could have sworn it was there when I went to bed. Nature called and I was ready to answer and roll out of bed when I tried moving what used to be my arm but now was just dead weight. I couldn’t feel anything there but I heard it hit the ground after I picked it up.
You see I am 6’3 and have a lot of extra limb hanging around, especially on a twin bed where my arms and legs are forced to just flail about haphazardly until they find a place where they fit. Apparently my left arm had flailed, fallen, and had gotten comfortable. It got so comfortable that I couldn’t feel it anymore.
We all know the feeling, or lack thereof, of body parts “falling asleep.” If you know me, you know that I that I find myself quite comical most of the time. I always jokingly complain that if a body part falls asleep that it will, consequently, be up all night. Ironically, this one woke me up and has kept me up since.
When I discovered the cause for my absent extremity, I proceeded to move what should have been my arm in various awkward positions to try and gain feeling back. I was intentional in being uncomfortable, so that I could feel again.
Today I head back to Macon, GA to meet up with my team. I have been home for exactly two weeks going through the roughest season my family has ever gone through. I have been hurt, so I decided to stop feeling. I am my left arm.
We all do this. Life gets hard, something happens and we fall of the bed. Instead of feeling pain or grief, we simply decide to not feel anything at all. We put ourselves on auto pilot to just make it through and we sacrifice the joy and contentment that God has to offer us.
This morning I am deciding to shake it out; even if it means that I have to put myself into awkward, uncomfortable places . I have to get life flowing through me again because the point isn’t how I feel about God but that I can’t feel anything without Him. He is the source of my joy, my sorrow, my grief, and my peace. Feelings make us human, and God gives us feelings, because He made us to be human.
I am deciding today to re-join the body of Christ and let His life flow through me again, even if it hurts.

Captains Log: Friday September 3

I am trying to keep this blog up to date with what has been going on in my life and with the journey I am taking. Apparently people are actually reading these thoughts of mine, which is rather nice.
Unfortunately my life has been a little crazy, as you all may know, the past week or so and the last thing I have wanted to do was write. I'm coming back though, well, I am trying.
Almost two weeks ago on Monday night I was about to post that weeks update, when overcome by lack of sleep, I decided to go to bed and post it in the morning. What I didn't know was that less than thirty minutes later I would get a text message saying my little brother Caleb was being hospitalized and the world would proceed to crash down on top of me. Here then, are the reflections of myself on the week before nothing made sense in my life.

We have spent all week at the University of Tennessee working with the Chi Alpha team there. Chi Alpha is an amazing ministry sponsored by the Assemblies of God that meets on college and university campuses across the nation. We have spent a week here and will be spending another week here in Knoxville before we head out to another University.

The first part of the week was a little rough. This was the first time the Missio Dei had to step outside the bubble we had created and see the world as it is. We were definitely unprepared for what we would see on a university campus.

We came into this town with the idea that we were going to start a revival that spread across the entire university and all its 45,000 students. We came in guns loaded with little consideration as to what Chi Alpha had been doing. The two teams at first did not really understand what the other was doing which caused us to be unintentionally working separately from each other. Later in the week everyone got together to hear each other’s heart and we have come to understand each other and what our role as visiting missionaries is.

We were given the task of filling out 1,000 information cards from students which is a feat in itself. The first couple days were spent with everyone getting up the courage to start a conversation with complete strangers. It was easier for some than it was for others, I struggled a little bit but God kept giving me the strength.

Wednesday I brought my guitar and one of our girls sang right in the middle of the busiest road on the campus. We worshipped on the sidewalk with the intention of purposefully stepping outside our comfort zone and drawing attention to the Chi Alpha tent across from us. It worked. We heard later that some students were ridiculing us, which strangely was very encouraging.

That night Pastor Jessica, our missions director and adult supervision, was speaking at a Knoxville Christian Center (KCC), a church about ten minutes from the university where many of the students attend as well as the Chi Alpha director, Pastor Chuck Lester. It was a huge sanctuary and a rather large youth group. It was refreshing to be in an active contemporary church. We went to another church last Sunday, also in Knoxville that was very traditional but definitely hungry after God. I have to admit that it was hard to worship when I kept getting distracted by the 67 year old woman playing drums rather, uh, interestingly.

At KCC some of us had the opportunity to share a testimony or talk about Missio Dei to the group. I found out five minutes before that I was speaking too. I loved it. Fun youth groups are definitely my element and I haven’t had the opportunity to preach in awhile so it was good, even if I only had two minutes to speak. Afterwards I got to pray a salvation prayer with a student and I prayed with a couple possible future Missio Dei journeymen.

After service they had hamburgers and soda and we had the opportunity to talk with a lot of the students and hang out with them. I accidently dropped a glass bottle of orange soda on the beautiful tile floor which proceeded to explode into millions of pieces and flood the foyer in a river of orange stickiness. It turned out to be a great conversation starter. I should do it more often.

Thursday we all loaded up in the Armada (which by the way is not really suitable for 8 people to travel long distances, please help us pray for a 15 passenger van) and headed to Stockbridge. Everyone was crashing at my house because we were working at the Georgia Dome that night. Through a strange series of events we somehow became supervisors of concession stands during Falcons games. We work them as fundraising opportunities and it is a lot of work. We have to be there 5 hours before the gates open and 2-3 hours after the game ends. The worst part is that we have to be the experts at how to run a concession stand, something none of us have ever done before.

In Star Trek, the characters who always get shot by aliens first wear red uniforms. It is how you know they are extras. Our Dome uniforms are red.

Last Friday was our first game and I almost had a couple meltdowns. Everyone was asking me questions that I didn’t know the answer to and I felt like they had their phasers set to kill.

Thursday’s event went a lot better and I felt comfortable with everything. We got back late to Stockbridge and it was weird seeing my room not be my room anymore. I guess everyone has that moment when they realize they aren’t a kid anymore.

I was really glad to spend time with my family. I really needed it.

I came into this thinking that I was invincible. I never thought that I would ever feel like I couldn’t do this but it was only the beginning of week 3 and I was already feeling it. Every day stretches me so much that I couldn’t imagine this pace for 9 more months. I am still struggling a little bit but I am taking it one day at a time.

“Give us today, our daily bread.”

Being home reminded me that this is where I am supposed to be and that I can do this through Christ who strengthens me.

Friday morning we headed back to Knoxville to do more evangelism at UT. One of our journeymen had to go home because his dad is having heart trouble. His grandpa has already been having trouble so this is rough for him. It is weird on the team when we are missing even one. Satan is attacking different members of the team at home and it is just confirmation that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing.

So if you want to hear what happened the second week at the University of Tennessee you have to ask someone else, because I have been at home. Frankly the last week or so has been a blur anyway.