Caffeinated

It is often hard to admit when you have a problem so it is about time I think that I make a very public (though very obvious) confession.

I am addicted to coffee.

I used to just be an coffee drinker. Then life kept getting crazier and sleep more infrequent and a daily cup of Joe became a ritual. Then I met people who drank fancy coffee made with strange instruments called French Presses, Pour Over Sets, and Siphons and I discovered that maybe Maxwell House was not the house I wanted to live in for the rest of my life. Then I went on a mission trip to Colombia and visited the Coffee capital of the world complete with a coffee themed amusement park and the opportunity to see first hand where coffee comes from. Then my wife became a barista at a cool downtown coffee shop and started coming home every night smelling like espresso.

And then...I was hooked.

I am not alone, I know. There are coffee addicts everywhere and we all have our excuses.

For awhile I have blamed my crazy life and lack of sleep as my primary motive but I don't think that is necessarily true anymore.

I do not have that much trouble waking up or staying alert throughout the day and if I did I could easily jolt myself to life with a much cheaper alternative than specialty coffee and raid a gas station for energy drinks.

But energy drinks do not satisfy the longing in my soul which only coffee can fill.

Am I being dramatic? Maybe, but it is only a slight exaggeration. 

The reality is I don't drink energy drinks instead of coffee because I enjoy the feeling of drinking coffee more than I enjoy the feeling of being caffeinated. That might seem like an irrelevant distinction but it makes a difference.

I like coffee because it helps me write better stuff. It is all about how I feel as I am drinking it. Energy drinks are quick and get the job done but I do not enjoy drinking them. 

When I sit down to accomplish something I almost never say "I am really glad I had coffee this morning" because I am too busy saying "I wish I had coffee right now." It has nothing to do with being sleepy, but there is something about sitting down with a hot mug full of good coffee that gets me in the right frame of mind. I love the idea of coffee as much as the coffee itself. There is something about being in the moment of drinking coffee that doesn't compare to remembering when you drank coffee. Sniffing, sipping, and slurping are acts only enjoyed in the moment they are happening. 

When it comes to my time with God, however, I tend to lean the other way.

I often enjoy the residual effects of being with God more than I enjoy actually being with God.

That was a lot harder to admit than a fun coffee addiction. 

But it is true. I like having the ability to say "I'm so glad I talked to God this morning" but hardly ever say " I really wish I could stop and talk to God right now."

I enjoy being spiritually caffeinated more than sitting down to consume spiritual caffeine. 

The problem is that when we enjoy the residual effects of something more than the thing itself we often accept cheap substitutes like energy drinks. I have found myself sitting still for ten minutes before my shower and looking at my Bible and counting it as good quality time with my Savior without ever even talking to Him. I have measured the strength of my relationship with God by the amount of encouraging words and wise pieces of advice I was able to give instead of honestly looking at how present God actually was in my life. 

A few months ago I had a thought that woke me up and caused me to utilize the stack of Post-It notes I keep beside my bed for just such purposes. I quickly scribbled out the idea that evolved into this post and thanked God for the wonderful revelation He had given me regarding the difference between experiencing the effects of being with Him and actually experiencing Him. 

Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. 

Because since God had already spoken I could count that as being with Him.

Why didn't I get out of bed? 

It is because I seem to like the feeling of being caffeinated more than drinking from His presence directly. I like having heard from God recently more than sitting down to listen to Him in whatever moment I am in. I want to love God the way that I love coffee. I want to want His presence continually and not just as a once a day ritual. I want to remember how much I enjoy the moments I am with God so that I can have those moments happen as frequently as possible. 

God is an eternal God who transcends Time and is best experienced in whatever moment is currently called Present.

So, right now.