Saturday, October 13, 2012

Grits

I do not claim any Southern heritage.
I spent a large majority of my childhood in Central Florida, which is geographically in the South but far from being a Southern place. Everybody there is from somewhere else.
When I was eight, we moved just south of Atlanta and I discovered for the first time that it is possible to go North to go South.
I was then bombarded with a plethora of foreign foods that I had never even heard of. The school lunch trays now had these fried balls of green grossness they called okra and hot sauce was served with every meal. I found onions and peppers in my corn bread and the only thing people drank was liquid diabetes in the form of sweet tea.
Over the years I have grown accustomed to everything I am served being deep fried and covered in salt but there is one southern food that I have never really been able to come to terms with: grits.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Jedi Knights of the Public Restroom

It is no secret that I like Star Wars. A lot.
I do not remember a time in my life where being a Jedi Knight was not a secret ambition of mine, and  sadly my childhood dreams have not in the least bit faded over time.
Unfortunately my blood donor card makes no mention of a high Midi-Chlorian count which would signify that have the genetic possibility of becoming a Jedi so I just have to pretend. If you aren’t nerdy enough to know what I am talking about, just look it all up on Wookieepedia.com, the Wikipedia of the Star Wars Universe (I’m not joking, it is real…and rather informative).
Fortunately for me, advancements in bathroom sanitation technology have made my Jedi Knight role playing all the more fulfilling.
Everything is automatic.