Saturday, June 25, 2016

Get Your Junk Together

I am by no means a car guy, but I have become quite the car trouble guy.

I have had too many surprise mechanic bills in my life so checking stuff under the hood "just to make sure" is a regular part of my routine. I usually do not really know what I am looking for but at least I am trying.

A few weeks ago I noticed some gunk in my radiator and even I knew that probably wasn't good. Casey asked when the last time we had an engine flush was and I had no idea. We concluded that "gunk + not really knowing anything" was enough grounds to go get it checked out.

After a much longer wait than I anticipated, the mechanic came out into the lobby to talk to me which I have learned is never a good sign.

"You see you've got car stuff in your car stuff, which is a common problem for your kind of car stuff considering the car stuff, car stuff, and car stuff. So we are going to have to car stuff and car stuff it so that we can get to the car stuff to fully car stuff it right. All in all it will cost you a lot."

In hindsight, I am pretty sure that the mechanic used actual specific words and terms but for the sake of not embarrassing myself  I just wrote what I heard. I responded,

"Wow, that's a lot. I can't afford that right now, can you just do the engine flush now and I'll worry about fixing whatever that is when I get a second job and sell one of my kidneys?"

Then the mechanic leaned back and started speaking in smaller words so that I would actually understand what he was saying.

"Well, the problem is your junk is holding everything together and I am afraid that if I flush it then you will only have more problems."

And then I realized my mechanic had turned into a therapist. My junk was holding everything together?

The biggest surprise about all of this was that the car was running totally fine. There were no weird noises or smells or anything else that would be a cause of concern. I could have kept driving for several hundred miles before anything seemed wrong. This isn't the first time that a mechanic has told me something like this but it is the first time I really thought about what it means to be held together by junk.

People and vehicles naturally accumulate wear and tear just by doing their job day in and day out and until something goes terribly wrong we usually have no idea about what condition we are really in. Eventually the junk just becomes part of who we are and actually for a time keeps everything moving. In my own life, I have spent the last several years collecting anxiety, pride, fear and restlessness (to name a few) and I have come to realize that I actually depend on these things to "get the job done" and make it through each day.

Vices look like virtues when they are shown to have a sliver of functional utility. Anxiety and restlessness worked well to give the appearance of a strong work ethic and personal drive. Pride was pretty good at motivating confidence and strong willed determination. Fear was awesome at making me look conscientious and strategic. And the truth is that I could have gone on a lot further just carrying my junk around before anybody had any clue.

After the mechanic explained his diagnosis several more times and pulled out flash cards to get me to understand I asked him if this was a job that had to be done now or if it could wait awhile. I've learned that is a good question to ask when you don't have much money but also don't want your car to burst into flames at the next red light.

"Honestly, if you were planning on only keeping this car for a few more months then I'd say forget it and let whoever you sell it to have to worry about it. But if you want to get another 100,000 miles out of it then I suggest you take care of it before anything else goes wrong."

And there lies the difference between being a fully functional human being that happens to be carrying around a bunch of junk and being a fully functional human being that has taken the time to deal with some stuff: Longevity.

I think I could go pretty far at the pace of life I am at right now but not forever. Eventually my junk will catch up to me. I want a few more years out of my car. I want a few more years out of my life. I don't have time to drive around with junk anymore, even if that junk actually helps me sometimes.

There are two things I learned about dealing with junk from finally getting around to getting this thing fixed. It is both expensive and inconvenient.

Praying "create in me a clean heart Oh God" is signing your name to the bill of whatever it will cost you, which will always be more than what you expect. And taking the time to really deal with stuff will be hugely inconvenient. My fully functional vehicle had to temporarily sacrifice its function while it was being worked on. Dealing with the junk that keeps you going means you may not be able to do things that you used to as well or efficiently as you used to do them. People might actually notice that you don't have every detail of your life totally together (gasp!).

But the cost and inconvenience are worth the longevity you gain.

When I picked up my car after almost a week in the shop the mechanic handed me the keys and said "here's to another 100,000 miles."

I want that mechanic to be able to say that about my life because I have the long term in mind and have the strength and obedience to get the tough job done even though I know it will cost me.

Well not him per se, he is just my mechanic and that would be a little weird.

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