Very little of my childhood could be described as normal. I spent the first 6 years of my life at the Florida United Methodist Childrens Home where my parents worked and lived 6 out of every 9 days; growing up around teenage girls, most of which had been sexually and physically abused. Don't get me wrong I have nothing to complain about regarding my childhood, I am so grateful for how I have been raised- I'm just saying it isn't normal. Because in my eyes I was different than my peers, I didn't feel valuable. The problem with a pursuit of normalcy is it is impossible, which I realized very quickly. When I would fail drastically at being normal I would feel worthless. Then I made a discovery. I found that being the weird one in the group was just as good as being like everyone else. I found my worth in my weirdness.
As I got older I discovered I was really good at being a Christian. I could quote more scripture than anybody and I impressed a lot of adults with my "spiritual maturity." I found my worth in that I could be super-Christian, always ready with some profound nugget of wisdom.
Then God showed me the story of Job in a way I have never seen before.
It seems to be a rule that you cannot speak about Job without giving a message on perseverance or faithfulness. I am going to break that rule.
The first thing I notice is that Job 1:3 says that Job was the greatest man in the area, not the richest as one would expect after reading the list of all his possessions in the prior verses. His claim to fame was not in his wealth.
He was righteous.
Everyone knew Job as the righteous one, always ready with some profound nugget of Jewish law.
Everyone knew he was righteous, except for Satan. I don't really understand this famous confrontation between God and Satan but what I got out of it was that Satan didn't know Job. That, to me is the first clue that Job's righteousness was reputation only and not authentic because if Satan doesn't know your name then you aren't a threat to him which means you are doing nothing for the kingdom of God-that is just a side note.
When all Job had was taken away, Job instantly went in to martyr-mode gathering the city to come have pity on me. No he didn't sin, sinning would have discredited his reputation. Instead he held onto his "righteousness" to the point of almost accusing God of injustice because Job could not face the fact that he wasn't as holy as God.
Job and I relied solely on our reputation as Godly people for our worth. We were doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons.
It has been only up until very recently that I have discovered my true worth- how valuable I am to God. It doesn't matter how good of a Christian I am because He loves me the same. He loves me the same if I leave the Church and turn my back on Him. There is nothing I can do to earn His love, because I already have all of it.
So what now? If God loves us regardless why bother living any certain way? Why bother changing what we do?
There is a story I have heard that probably isn't true about a village that probably doesn't exist.
In this village lived a man with 2 daughters, one of which was the most beautiful woman in the the land and lets just say the other was definitely not. Every man in the village tried their hand at being her suitor, and the father was offered many expensive dowries for her hand in marriage. One man offered to pay the father 5 of his fattest cows in exchange for betrothal to the sought after woman.
Now a wise man was walking through the village looking for a wife when he came to the father and said "I will give you ten of my fattest cows for your daughter." The father thought to himself "What a blessing! I get double the dowry for the same daughter" and immediately agreed to the exchange. The wise man, however, was referring to the other daughter. Everyone in the village thought the man was a fool- paying so much for such an ugly wife that her father would have given away had he had the chance.
Fast forward a couple years.
We see the same wise man, happy at home married to a beautiful and faithful woman.
The same woman rejected by the village had started taking care of and beautifying herself. What changed?
She knew she was valuable to her husband.
She knew the price he paid for her.
People want to be everything they can for the one who shows them their value.
She was worth 10 cows to this man, if I remember correctly we are promised the cattle on a thousand hills.
So what's the problem?
If we know what the price paid for us was why aren't we who we were created to be?
I don't think we believe it.
We sing about how much He loves us, and the price He paid for us but do we believe it?
Every person who has ever walked this planet has lived and died for what they believe in. You live life to the level you believe in it. Great people don't die for what they believe in, great people believe in something great to begin with. If you believe you are valuable, you will know that God absolutely wants the best for you and that He has the power to do so.
I am beginning to think the search for worth is the root of all of our problems.
If you don't believe Jesus loves you, you will try to find that love elsewhere.
Relationships.
Social status.
Masculinity.
The reason we keep slipping back into the same old stuff is because we feel the same old stuff is where our value is.
We find value in being the bad kid, or being the one who can't commit, or the one who won't accomplish anything or the one who annoys everyone around them.
This is a real hard lesson to learn. As I was giving this message I saw in the audience heads nodding and mouths yawning and I immediately started measuring my worth by how well I could give a sermon. God doesn't care, He just loves me.
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