Shout Out to the Ladies

Dear Women,

            I am not pretending that I have in the least bit “figured you out” but I have noticed some very troubling things that my fellow Men have caused. It is pretty common knowledge that a basic need of females is to feel beautiful but I think that you have unconsciously let Men define what beauty looks like. This is very bad because we seem to have messed everything up.

            Everywhere I go I see girls struggling so hard to fit into what we have defined has Beautiful and failing so miserably that what is left is hardly recognizable as a person, much less a treasured child of the living God. Needless to say I am tired of testosterone ruining lives when we were given the Divine responsibility of cherishing and leading God’s own Creation. I am not disowning my gender, just trying to redeem it.

            In an attempt to redeem the reputation of Men I want to redefine what it means to be Beautiful. It is a little awkward for me and very different more blunt than anything I have ever written but there are too many slaves to what we have always called beauty to shy away from the topic any longer.

            Let me start with what Beauty is not.

Beauty is not WHO YOU ARE WITH: It seems like everywhere I go I see these girls hanging for dear life on some guy’s arm as if letting go would shatter everything they want to be. Sure he may have tons of money and look like you ripped him out of an Abercrombie catalog but if he is the kind of guy that always wants you with him it is probably because he is insecure and wants to be seen with you. You are being used.

You don’t get more beautiful by being with that guy, you just become a trophy.

Trophies collect dust and never are admired for anything but for who “won them.” You are far too beautiful to sit on somebody else's shelf. You were not created to collect dust because Woman was the only thing in all of creation that was not made out of dust. Eve came from a living, breathing, body- everything else came from the ground.

Beauty is not YOUNG: This country is full of weight loss programs and cosmetic surgeries that take the aged and transform them into youthful “beauties.” Men have told you your whole life that your value is in your appearance and since you are aging out of your good appearance your only option seems to be dressing like a teenager and hating what you see in the mirror more and more every day. Don’t believe our lies.

Grow old and be happy. Laugh away those wrinkles and know that you have more wisdom and experience than any of those girls you are trying to imitate. You don’t prove anything by looking half your age or showing that you “still got it” except that you are terribly afraid of death and don’t believe that the other side of eternity has anything to offer you.

Beauty is not OLD: Nothing ticks me off more than a little girl who hates that she isn’t ten years older. Life moves so quickly Time doesn’t need your help in blowing away your childhood. Your beauty is not in how old you look. The “you” in twenty years would trade places with you without hesitation.

Beauty is not NAKED: Since the first day Adam looked at Eve and thought to himself “Whoa man” (where we get the term “woman”), us guys have been on a continual pursuit of convincing the female race that their beauty lies in their nakedness. We tell you that you aren’t worth anything when you are fully dressed. This is because we have come under the grave misconception that woman are just objects to point our raging sex hormones at and use for our pleasure. We could not be more wrong.

            You are more than a sex toy. You don’t get more beautiful by exposing more skin. Fitting into those jeans doesn’t make you more valuable. Don’t sink to our level by attracting that kind of attention. The kind of guy you get when you use that bait deserves to be thrown back into the water. You have been bought with a price by the Creator of the universe so don’t dress like you are still for sale.

So now that I have covered what Beauty is not, I think it is time I clarify what Beauty actually is.

Beauty is about WHO YOU ARE WITH: You read that right, it looks like I just contradicted myself but let me clarify. Beauty is not about the people you associate with but by the God with whom you are surrounded. Your beauty comes from outside of you. You are a reflection of the glory of God which is a beauty far more powerful than any physical appearance or hairstyle. Beauty in the truest sense of the word is the radiance of the Holy of Holies which can saturate everything about you. People don’t even have to see you to be attracted to the beauty coming from you when you are with God.

Let the world see past your body and see into new depths of beauty. Some wise person once said that a woman should be so deep in God that any man has to find Him before they find her. Do that.

Make us guys go through intense discipleship before we even think about pursuing you. Make it impossible for someone to see you and not see God.

Beauty is YOUNG: Everybody stopped pretending life is easy a long time ago. Growing up and living life is bound to beat you up and give you scars and calluses. Try as hard as you want but you will never be able to erase them on your own but there is a God who can and wants to wipe you clean, give you a fresh start and make you beautiful again.

Beauty is the renewed youth of someone who has gone through Hell but bears no burn marks on their body and can laugh at that thing they call “past.” It doesn’t matter where they have been because they are made young again by the grace and awesomeness of God.

Beauty is OLD: People seem to have this idea that beauty is somehow trend related. In the Roaring Twenties beauty meant looking like a boy. In the sixties beauty meant dressing like the first lady. In the eighties beauty meant having hair that floated three feet off your head and used enough hair spray to put a whole in the Ozone layer.

Beauty is not a trend that dies. True beauty is as ancient and eternal as the angels in heaven. When you realize what true beauty means you are connecting yourself with the things of heaven which will be around long after your clothes go out of style. The beauty that is in you is older than humanity and still kicking.

Beauty is NAKED: We live in a day and age where enough make-up and fashionable clothing can cover up any amount of “ugliness” people think they have. True beauty, however, is naked, raw and transparent. Beauty doesn’t need to cover anything up because it has nothing to hide. Adam and Eve were naked until they discovered shame.

You don’t need to get any part of your body “done” because you let God do all your transforming.

True beauty is honest with itself and isn’t pretending to be anything it’s not. Beauty is not an act.

                Please forgive us guys for confusing you, we don’t know any better.

                        With deepest sincerity,

                                    Remorse and  

                                                Apology,

                                                            A guy

The Macaroni Lifestyle

           There are not too many practical uses for pasta. I mean aside from making various Italian dishes with names that sound like mob bosses, there is not too much you can do with it.

            There is, however, one very notable exception.

            It is the largely unappreciated art form of pre educational system humans known to most simply as Macaroni Art.

            You know what I am talking about. Someone one day long ago figured out that uncooked pasta works great glued to construction paper in various shapes to appease small children in clean amusement for hours. I for one, never really saw the artistic side of Macaroni Art but I know that my four old self just got hungrier every time we had make some.

            In case you don’t know, here is how the process of creating Macaroni Art works:

            Adults tell kids what to do, show them how to do it; then let the kids go free and have at it. The kid puts all of his attention span and creative energy into his masterpiece. He knows that his macaroni elephant looks like a mushroom with eyes but it doesn’t matter to him. He also knows that the kid beside him is fully capable of making the Mona Lisa out of lasagna noodles but that also doesn’t matter because he did his best and that is all that counts. The great phenomenon here is that the kid never once thinks of keeping his masterpiece, but can’t wait until he gets home to give it to his mom or dad.  

            I can’t think of a better picture of the life of a Christian than macaroni art.

            Think about it.

            God tells us what to do; He shows us how to do it then lets us free to be creative with the hopes that we will enjoy ourselves completely and then offer our work back to Him. It makes so much sense.

            Instilled deep inside of us is the desire to make beautiful art and give it back to the One who will appreciate it the most and this desire comes out when little kids are asked to make macaroni art. The problem is we grow out of pre-K and somehow get this idea that the gifts and abilities we have are solely to be used for our benefit and critiqued by us when they are not what we feel is good enough.

            It shouldn’t matter that our greatest gifts hardly amount to anything recognizable, because they are the best of what we have been given. It shouldn’t matter what it all looks like in the end because we fully enjoyed making it and fully enjoyed giving it away.

            It shouldn’t matter that somebody else does things way better than we do because what you make is for your Father not theirs. This life is your macaroni masterpiece, not theirs.

            I think it is incredible that little kids can have so much pleasure in making art and then not think once about giving it all away. If you have ever been around a little kid with time on his hands you will inevitably find yourself with a stack of art that keeps piling up until you take their crayons away. They just keep giving and creating more of their masterpieces and never think of keeping one for themselves.

            Sometimes I get this idea that I can use the gifts God has given me to become a super Christian that the world respects and remembers for eternity. It is like I can use the writing ability given to me to write a world changing, fame attracting masterpiece or use the speaking ability given to me to become the greatest preacher the world has ever known. My four year old self would smack me. He knew that what I create isn’t for me.

            None of us have much but we always think that the art supplies given to us is ours to do whatever we want with but that is not the case at all.  Some of us have the audacity to think that God never gave us anything at all and so we aren’t expected to do anything. We assume that if God didn’t make us “wise beyond our years,” socially extravagant or even physically attractive than we have nothing and should not be expected to attempt a masterpiece.

            A parent receiving art from their kids never evaluates what materials, resources, or abilities the kid had available to him- they just appreciate it all because it was done out of love.

            God does the same thing.

            Sometime people who do have all the things the world desires think that they can actually make something beautiful with their macaroni. They think their best efforts are good enough to actually make a difference in the world.

            God knows better. It is just macaroni.

            When you think about the incredible power it took to shape the heavens and create humanity, the very best of what we do just becomes macaroni. It really isn’t any more valuable than gluing dried pasta to construction paper but God still lovingly accepts, and desires for it all.

What are you making with the little bit of macaroni you have been given?

            What are you going to do with your masterpiece?

            God desperately wants to display your macaroni masterpiece on the refrigerators of heaven but He can’t when all you want to do is keep it for yourself or pretend you can’t do anything.

Megaphones

             One of my favorite movies of all time is A Knights Tale. It is one of those great movies that I can’t not watch when it comes on TV. There is a scene where Heath Ledger’s companion posing as Geoffrey Chaucer is performing his usual over the top and laudatory announcement of his jousting friend to the adoring crowd when he says something that got me thinking.

                In the midst of lavish exaggerations, fake Chaucer says something to the effect of “he spent a year in silence just to better understand the sound of a whisper.”

                A whisper is almost nothing. A few notches down and there would be no sound whatsoever. You have to be real close to someone both physically and relationally to carry on a successful whispering conversation. Distance between parties eliminates the art of whispering. That doesn’t seem like something that would take that long to understand but once again, I am proved wrong.

                Elijah once was given the incredible opportunity to meet face to face with God. He had just finished a fiery dual with the prophets of Baal where God had showed up in an incredible way when he ran away to a cave to hide from people who wanted to kill him. It is amazing that we can see God so clearly in all His power one second and the next feel like He can’t save us from whatever circumstance we are in the next. God wanted to remind Elijah of who he was dealing with so He tells him to stay in a cave and watch because His presence was about to pass by.

                “Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” *

            Elijah was so close to God that he recognized that God would be more likely to appear in a gentle whisper than in a rockslide.

            “That random ball of fire that just came through here? Oh that was nothing.”

            The Creator of everything chose to reveal himself with a sound that is almost nothing.

            God whispers because you have to be close to him to hear it. Anybody can feel an earthquake, whispers are for the ones He wants to be close to.

            One thing was just revealed to me about the familiar walking on water story in Mathew chapter 14. These tired, weary, and wave battered disciples thought they saw a ghost and not one of them recognized him as the guy they traveled the world with so Jesus had to tell them himself who He was. They all still had their doubts so Peter decided to ask Him something that would prove his identity, kind of like when you forget your Facebook password and they ask you all these predetermined questions to make sure it is really you. Instead of Peter asking Jesus to tell him what number He was thinking about or where he was born he asks one striking question.

            “Lord, if it’s you…tell me to come to you on the water”*

            Peter would know that this ghostly figure on the water was Jesus if He compelled him to come closer. Only Jesus would show his power and then invite him to join Him in it. It was characteristic of Jesus to want Peter closer to Him. He always wants us closer to Himself than where we are right now.

            We are always looking for a “sign” from God that anybody with half a brain could see when God wants to personally swoop down from heaven and whisper directly into our ears and show us how close He views our friendship with Him to be. He just wants to have you lay your head on His chest and feel Him breathing. Signs are for those who don’t know God enough to hear him whisper. Everybody saw Jesus walking on the water; Peter got the privilege of getting closer.

            The point of closeness to God is to bring others with you. Any truth you have ever learned was given to you so that you would share it. God stops speaking when you stop repeating.

            I have been thinking a lot about whispers and am really considering the idea of a “voice fast” like our hero in A Knights Tale is said to have taken. I want to take a whole day without saying anything and focus solely on listening- listening to God, to the people around me and to the rare but ever so pleasant sound of silence. I want to better understand a whisper. Also, my foot hardly ever has to enter my mouth when my mouth decides to stay closed. Anyway, just a thought.

           

            The problem is that everyone is a megaphone. That means that not everybody is shouting the right whispers. However, everyone is shouting something. It can get a little messy sometimes.

            The issue is not that you don’t have a voice, but that it is echoing in the wrong place. The problem isn’t that you have nothing to say but that you are so terrified of saying it you pretend like your megaphone doesn’t work.

            You don’t have to be a preacher, or a novelist, or political activist to use your voice, you just need to be quiet long enough to hear the right voice and bold enough to shout what you hear.

            People are hurting and dying every single place we go. Where there are people, there is pain. Where there is pain, there is a need for a good megaphone. God has given me this blog to shout His voice; someday I hope it will be a pulpit but that doesn’t change the fact that I pass by hurting people all the time at Wal-Mart or the grocery store that need to hear something from God. Sometimes that one person God compels you to talk to needs to hear His voice more than a whole congregation of people listening to a sermon.  

            Where is your voice echoing? Who are the people you are already influencing that need to hear the whispers of the Almighty? We have the incredible privilege of drawing so close to God that we can hear Him whisper into our ears, how can we keep that to ourselves? We all have a megaphone.

            Shut up and start listening. Speak up and start proclaiming.

*1 Kings 19:11b-13 NIV

*Mathew 14: 28 NIV

*Ezekiel 3:26-27

Peek-A-Boo part 2

                I have never really written a sequel to a post but God just kept giving me stuff that I think should have been in the last one so I am writing it all down. I thought about calling this “Peek-a-boo Strikes Back” or “Peek-a-boo Returns” but I thought they were a little over the top and cheesy even by my standards.

                In this game of hide-and-go-seek called life, God sometimes is the “hider.” When He takes this job He is like a fat kid who hides behind a flagpole who hides just because it is part of the game but just desperately wants to be found by you. Sometimes He is the “seeker” and plays the adult who knows full well where his kids are hiding but holds off on finding them until the kids are tired of hiding. More often than not, though, He plays “home base;” that place where no one can touch you and you are free from anyone out to get you. I just found out that He can also be your hiding place.

Lately I have had this desire to be hidden in God. It is more than just me finding Him or Him finding me, but is about me being found in Him. I want to experience such intimacy with Him that I lose myself in the process.

 I used to think that I could measure my relationship with God by looking at how much I was producing, i.e. how many people I was sharing my faith with, how many blogs I could spit out in a month, or how much I was being directly used for His purposes. God has been teaching me that instead of producing, I need to measure my relationship with Him by how much I am reducing. My dreams, needs, desires, and very identity should be getting smaller the closer I get to God because that is the only way He can replace all those things with His dreams, His needs, His desires, and His identity. I shouldn’t matter as much as I think I do.

I struggle a lot with pride. I think way too highly of myself than I should.

The beauty of being surrounded by God is that nobody can see me. Instead of God being that thing inside me one has to really look for to see, He should be that thing surrounding me like a cloud that you can’t help but see. I can’t stand in the way when I am out of the picture.

I want to live such a life that after I meet people that they can’t even remember my name but are somehow compelled to go deeper into God.

Peek-A-Boo, where are you?

Peek-a-boo!

    I haven't yet found it in Scripture but I am sure there is a verse that talks about how much God loves "Where's Waldo" books. They seem like something He would really get a kick out of.

    He just seems to really be into the seeking and finding and being sought and being found kind of thing. The whole plan of humanity is that we find Him and that He finds us.

    Proverbs 25:2 says that "It is the glory of the Lord to conceal a matter (NIV)."

    Now there are some verses that I read and I'm like "Wow! This is incredible! I'm going to go Tweet this and post it on Facebook and maybe even write a cute blog about how awesome this verse is."

    This is not one of those verses. Instead of highlighting this one I just want to scratch it out. You might be a stronger Christian than me and would never even think about scratching out one of the very words of God but I guess I am not that spiritual. I don't like this verse for the same reason that I hate "Where's Waldo" books.

    I don't want anything hidden from me. I don't want to have to search for my answers. I want to know it all, right now.

    I seem to be missing the point of everything. The rest of the verse says "to search out a matter is the glory of kings."

    Hmm. So God gets glory by playing the "hider" in this game of hide-and-go-seek and I get glory by being the "seeker."

    In 1^st Corinthians chapter 2 verse 6 Paul says something awesome, which is very characteristic of him.

    "We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began."

    Now I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty epic. "The Secret Wisdom of God" would know about how to create a universe, how to tame a leviathan, and tell storms to be quiet- which is pretty much the definition of the word "epic." I feel like this verse should end with something like "One ring to rule them all."

There are some times, though, when I could care less about the mysteries of God. Sometimes I would be OK just knowing that He is still around.

    We all face those times when God is nowhere to be found. All of the sudden you start picturing Jesus in a red and white striped sweater with a matching hat because he has become just another Waldo to find in the midst of chaos. He is just another thing in this world that requires your full attention to try and find surrounded by things meant to confuse you. You search and search until your eyes start bleeding and you have pulled out all your hair out of frustration. You have come across a lot of things that looked like the God you were searching for but none of them were the real thing, only dressed like it. You give up, because you think a God who would abandon you when you needed Him most doesn't deserve to be sought after any longer.

    All of the sudden you look down only to discover that you are wearing the ugly red and white striped sweater. You are wearing the ugly matching hat. You are Waldo (or Wendy).

    This whole time you have been looking for God you have missed the fact that he is desperately searching for you. The difference between Him and you is that He never gives up until Waldo is found.

    So we have a dilemma. If God and I are both looking for each other, then why is it so hard to actually connect? The reason is that God is only found by those who want to be found themselves. Until we decide to give God permission to search us out we will not get one opportunity to search Him out.

    It all makes sense that way. Human beings are designed to seek, not just to be found. If we were just handed everything we ever wanted we wouldn't have anything to make our lives worth it. We seek everything and spend our whole lives doing it. Usually, the things we seek could be completely explored and searched out in a couple years. The pursuit of God could go for eternity without ever reaching the end, that point where we have totally figured God out.

    The beautiful thing is that we really have all of eternity.

    C.S. Lewis described Heaven in his parable like book, The Great Divorce as a great mountain range where people spent eternity journeying deeper and deeper into the mountains. With each step, they grew closer and closer to the full glory of God, but it takes them all of eternity to get there. I really like this idea because I used to picture Heaven as spending the first couple millennia getting answers from God about all the things that I had questions about (if Adam and Eve had bellybuttons, why the chicken crossed the road etc) and then after now knowing everything there is to know I would just spend the rest of the time playing UNO with Martin Luther.

    I am overjoyed that I serve a God so big it will take me forever to know.

    If you think about it, pursuing God is the only thing that we will be doing forever, we might as well start now. If we seek, we shall find.

The Great Bacterial Romance

    First of all, that is probably the most disgusting title I have ever thought of. It will make sense though so stay with me.

    Think about a germ. It might be hard because you don't see them every day on account of them being so microscopically small. I mean they are really, really small. They are so minuscule that thousands of them pass by you without you even noticing. Germs are never in a place you want to be.

    Germs have a very short lifespan. Billions of germs die every day and we could care less. In fact, most of the time we are the ones who initiate the germicide. I don't know of anybody who sees this as morally wrong. Kill a person, well that's wrong by every one's standard. Kill a dog and everyone will hate you. Kill a spider and you are congratulated. Kill a germ and nobody cares.

    The level of significance which we attribute to things decreases as they get smaller. It is just fact.

    Now think about you, specifically in relation to the germ. You are an unfathomable size to the mind (if it had one) of that germ, and that isn't a fat joke. Imagine how impossible it would be for something the size of a germ to wrap its head around something as big as you. Just as it is hard for you to understand how small the germ is, it is hard for the germ to understand how big you are.

    Now imagine that you, in all of your unfathomableness (I can make up words, it is the right of the blogger), love this germ with all your power. You are infatuated with the mere idea of this germ, not just any germ but this one insignificant germ specifically. Imagine that you love this germ so much that you decide to degrade yourself to the drastic point of entering into this germ's world of slime and becoming another germ. You have to give up everything you know and can do as a human to become the scum of the Earth with a lifespan of a mere couple of hours. Finally, imagine that you choose to give up your life all together because you love this germ so much that the only way to save it is for you to die.

    Let's say you have a way to communicate with the germ world and you do everything you can to just have a conversation with your germ but it wants nothing to do with you. After all you have done for this germ it repays you by spitting in your face and insulting your mother. Yet your love remains.

    The idea is absolutely ridiculous. Who would choose death by Lysol over all the advantages of being a person?

    This is what continues to blow my mind everyday and I am convinced that the rest of eternity will come and go before I am able to wrap my mind around it.

    I am the germ.    

    I shouldn't matter at all to the God who created the Big Dipper, tidal waves, photosynthesis, and A minor. The mind that thought up volcanoes, magnets, and pelicans should have no room in it for someone with as fleeting of a life as me. A lot of times I don't even notice when He is talking to me, I just go about my day wasting the time He has given me.

    Some people think Christians are the way they are because they think they are better than everybody else. That is not true at all for me. I am a Christian because I recognize myself to be the lowest kind of life form imaginable and am taking the only chance given to me of improving my status.

    It is not that I think myself more holy than the rest of the world, but that I realize just how incredibly insignificant I am in comparison to the God who loves me unconditionally and unexplainably no matter how many times I reject Him and ignore Him. No matter how many times I tell him that what I am doing is more important than what He tells me to do He still comes down from His comfortable position into my greasy, grimy, germ world and loves me.

    I cannot imagine why the God who holds the universe in the folds of His hand wants to wrap His arms around me but he shows me every day that He does.

    It is the Great Bacterial Romance that has been going on since the beginning of time and will continue to the end of it. The romance that has been rejected, ignored, forgotten, misunderstood, falsely accused and abandoned still remains. He has already done all the work of coming into your world and making away for you to become better than the germ you would have always been. All you have to do be fed up with your germiness enough to accept his offer.

    It seems like a good deal to me.

Face Paint, Cheese Heads, and Church Pews

    To raise funds for our missions endeavors, I, as well as the rest of the team work as supervisors of concession stands at the Georgia Dome, home of the Atlanta Falcons.

    I have worked every home game this season and, needless to say, have seen a lot of people come though my stand. I have seen every kind of fan there is and while trying to feed the masses I have noticed something.

    The people who come to football games are the same kinds of people who go to church.

    Don't believe me? Here is a list of the kind of fans I see at the Georgia Dome, see if you can't see some similarities. Which one are you?

The Bromancer- Of course you love football, it's what guys do. Together. Your greatest memories have revolved around football with a bunch of your closest dudes. Yelling at the TV when the referee makes a bad call is all about joining your brothers in a call for justice.

    Secretly though, you really only enjoy football to the extent that you do because you have friends who do. You have a real hard time watching the game by yourself because to you it is all about being with other people, not because you care about the team. If it weren't for the tailgating, the Sunday afternoon parties, or the fellowship you wouldn't be a fan at all. When your star quarter back makes a mistake that costs them the game you don't say anything, because your friends might think you are rooting for the other team. It's all about keeping the bros happy.

The Girlfriend- To be honest you have no idea what is going on. You gave up a long time ago asking questions because you figure you will never understand. You really don't even like football but you would never tell your boyfriend that, ever. So you clap and cheer at all the right moments, that is, whenever everybody else is clapping and cheering, just to make sure that your little pookie thinks you are just as excited as he is. It is not about the game, it is about spending time with that special someone who happens to be at the game.

The Geographically Convenient- You tried to avoid it but everyone in this city roots for the same team and is way too excited in expressing it. You are a fan because everyone around you is and you don't want to be an outcast. It is part of your culture to cheer for this particular team. Aside from it being expected of you, you really could care less about the game at all. Football is what you are expected to do because it is what everyone around you does, but it really isn't that important to you.

The Jerk- You are the easiest to identify. Everyone knows a jerk when they see one. You are the kind of guy that just yells at everything. You see a fan from the opposing team and just start yelling. Stirring up controversy is part of the game and you thrive when you get one-up on a stranger. Drama keeps the whole event exciting.

The Other Guy- You are a lot like the jerk, just a little bit more confused. You may not intend to stir up controversy but you do anyway because you deliberately wear a jersey of a team that is not even playing. Nobody thinks the cheese on your head is cute when nobody in the stadium has ever even been to Green Bay. Nobody is quite sure why you insist on always having opposing viewpoints on everything or why you are even at this stadium since you aren't cheering for anybody. You probably aren't too sure yourself but you know there is something these other fans have that you want.

The Megatron Lover- Your mission is simple: be seen. You have to be "that guy." You are the guy with obscene amounts of face paint and your own homemade costume. You are in a building with 70,000 plus people but you have to be the one who shows up on the Megatron, the godfather of all plasma TV's. You say it is all about the team, but you and I both know you want more people to notice you than they notice the game.

    You have a female counterpart too. There is no way you would wear four inch heels and a mini skirt to go walk a mile around a cement building and climb hundreds of step unless you were seen doing it. The game is all about people knowing you are there and nothing else. Who cares what the team does, you are your own entertainment.

The Die- Hard- Rain, snow, sleet or fumble you are there for your team. You come alone, because you don't need anyone else to enjoy the game. You wait for hours before hand just because you want to. You don't buy into the hype around you, they are all one time ticket holders who don't know any better but you my friend, have season tickets and you use them to their fullest extent. It doesn't matter how many times your team blows it, you still return every single Sunday. Nothing can keep you from the game you love.

The Paternally Affectionate- You are the greatest of all the fans that step into a stadium. You are the little kid whose eyes fill with wonder when you see the size of what you are stepping into. You don't know the ins and outs of the game and you don't speak the language but you do understand one thing: Your daddy loves this game and you love him. It is only natural that you would love what He is so crazy about. You are just excited to be with your daddy doing the things he loves to do. That is enough for you.