Good Mourning

Good Mourning

Lately life has been giving me an atomic wedgie. I feel like I’ve been beaten down to a point where it is hard to get back up again before I am thrown back into the locker of depression. I don’t know how many more swirlies I can take, metaphorically speaking.
The worst part is that none of it is because I turned away from God or what He wanted. It is because I am going after bigger things that the world caved in on top of me.
I woke up this morning and frankly wanted to just stay in bed because being awake means being aware and that was not what I was looking for. As I was trying to convince myself that I really was asleep, a thought popped into my head.
Have you had a good mourning?
That wasn’t a typo, I’m not asking if the couple hours you have been awake have been pleasant but if you have had a good mourning.
As if any mourning could be good.

Webster defines mourning as “An expression of grief, the black clothing worn by a mourner,” but we know it is more than that. People as a whole have felt an obsession with digging themselves deeper into our emotional pits.
In the Bible, any time something bad happened the people affected would rip their clothes and pour ashes on their head (as to whose ashes I’ll never know). I am quite sure that Velcro was invented because of this practice since it is far more convenient than ripping your best tunic in half every time your son got leprosy or your fields caught on fire.
The point though, is that when they mourned, they wanted everyone else to know about it.
Victorian England was infamous for its’ strict mourning rituals. Books were written that described the exact period of time it was appropriate to mourn the death of a husband, brother, friend, or even 3rd cousin (twice removed). Queen Victoria stayed in mourning for her husband until her death, 40 years later! They had to wear special clothes and do special things so that the world would know they were grumpy.
So, have I had a good mourning?
I determined that I had. So far I have succeeded in making myself more and more miserable, which is the purpose of mourning right? Why do we do this to ourselves? Do we really think that it is the easier option than just getting up?
I’ve decided to quit. I am giving up on this mourning thing. I am picking out my wedgie and moving forward.
Sure I am confused, I’m hurt, and I don’t know where I am going anymore but I am choosing to let go of it and start living again.
I have said it before and I will say it again. Don’t live like there is no tomorrow, live because there is a tomorrow.
Living like there is no tomorrow is disappointing, exhausting, and temporary.
As Christians we are promised tomorrow, not necessarily on Earth but tomorrow nonetheless. It may not be tomorrow as in the next 24 hour period of time but it will come.
Jesus told His disciples in John 16
“I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”
That means that all these things that are happening to me just confirm that I am finally on the right track.
That is why I am giving up on mourning, and looking forward to The Morning. That’s when the joy comes.
Give up mourning, not life.



Good Morning

MMX Resolutions

2010 Resolutions

- Take every opportunity I can to serve God and the people around me

-Actually get to know people. Talk to them and learn where they came from and have more faith in them. Become a dream initiator and help them become who they were created to be. Be more Christ-like

- I want to always be reading at least one book of my choice even though I may be required to read others. I also want to always have something that I am in the process of writing at a time.

- Stay in running shape regardless of where I am in the world and run more than the occasional race.

- Never forget that God is my destination not my means of transportation

- Start asking for advice instead of trying to figure it out myself. Have faith that other people can speak into my life too

- Continue learning languages and put them to use

- Learn how to tie a tie

- Perfect my public speaking

- Leave Stockbridge High different than when I arrived

- Thank everyone who has gotten me to where I am going

What it has taken me 17 years to learn

So tomorrow is my 18th birthday and I have been thinking a lot about what my childhood has taught me, since as of midnight tonight I will be entering the world of legal adulthood. Wow that is a scary thought- I feel too young to be this old. Nevertheless here is some wisdom that has taken me 17 years to acquire.

☺ Life should never be spent in preparation for something else; eventually you will forget what you were preparing for and realize you haven’t ever done anything.
☺ People will believe anything you say if you believe it first.
☺ Snorting a Jumbo Pixie Stick isn’t worth the thrill of sneezing in different colors.
☺ If a guy’s happiness depends solely on a girl then his emotions will hitch a ride with her on the crazy roller coaster that she has always been on. Every sensible guy knows that’s not a good idea.
☺ Winning an argument doesn’t provide as much satisfaction as you might think.
☺ Living like there is no tomorrow is great until tomorrow keeps coming and bums you out. Instead live because you are guaranteed a tomorrow (whether on Earth or in Heaven) and it will be better than today.
☺ Music doesn’t have an expiration date.
☺ Always trying to figure out the best possible way to live life is no way to actually live it. Knowing the temperature and depth of the pool is nothing like jumping in and experiencing it.
☺ Don’t let life actually be like a box of chocolates; expensive and only worth it for the couple pieces you like.
☺ Lice shampoo can kill you. Seriously.
☺ Bad handwriting means your teachers don’t know how bad of a speller you are.
☺ If you start making fun of yourself to get other people to laugh eventually you will believe you own jokes and they won’t be so funny anymore.
☺ Every time someone says that it is impossible to lick your own elbow not only does everyone in the room try but at least one of them can actually do it.
☺ Hurt people hurt people continually.
☺ Too much is sacrificed for the sake of humor. The pain it can cause to someone long outlives the happiness it may bring to someone else.
☺ Knowing everything is cool if you aren’t a know-it-all.
☺ God is not a revelation or an emotional experience. He is there when you are up all night writing that thing you can’t get out of your head and He is there when you couldn’t think of anything worthwhile if you tried. He is there when you feel nothing.
☺ Don’t ever care what people think of you unless they think you are an obnoxious jerk. If people think that then you probably are one and should fix it.
☺ The place that provides me with the most discomfort is probably the place where I am supposed to be.
☺ The amount of friends you have has nothing to do with how lonely you can be.
☺ You are never the smartest person you know.
☺ Even Jesus needed friends.
☺ I don’t have to have figured God out to do what He says. If all of creation is simply a chess game between good and evil then I am ok knowing I am just a pawn.
☺ Everyone is socially awkward and insecure about something. Those better at hiding it are usually the ones hurting the most.
☺ Effectiveness is gained more by what you don’t do as oppose to what you do but this should never be an excuse to not do anything. No one has ever gotten saved because I didn’t cheat off their test.
☺ Once we understand that we are all products of our own generation we can move past all those silly fads and nuances in people and start seeing the big picture.
☺ Nothing in the whole world is as satisfying as a relationship with God.
☺ Let God be your destination and not simply your means of transportation.
☺ God is bigger than anything I could ever imagine and so is His plan for me.

The Energizer bunny on a carousel

Sometimes I feel like the Energizer Bunny on a carousel.
I just keep going and going around in a circle until I stop and throw up with motion sickness.
Somewhere along the line I got this idea in my head that a full life means I can’t stop. There is so much that needs to be done in this world that if I stop I obviously am not fulfilling my task. Something is left undone.
Recently God has been dealing with me on this subject and here is what I have learned.
First of all, when God came down to Mt. Sinai and gave Moses the top ten rules for his people, the top ten things that He thought were most important in the upbringing of His people, remembering the Sabbath day was number 5. In a list that condemns murderers, liars, and adulterers we find that we also are condemned for not taking a break.

God himself created everything and then paused.

In Exodus 23:10-12 we find that the Israelites were instructed to plow and harvest their fields for six years and in the seventh year they were instructed to, get this, STOP.

Leave you field un-plowed; go ahead and sleep in because you don’t have to work in the morning. Go take a year off.

For some of us the idea of taking a year off from work or school may sound appealing until you think it through. What is connected to your job?- DING DING DING we have a winner- your paycheck. The Israelites had to worry about their food.

They had to say “Well God we trust that you have provided enough for us from the past 6 years that we are just going to take a whole year off and know that if we don’t have enough food in store by the end of the year you will provide because by then it will be too late.”

Wow.

What I have found is that when I don’t take a break, I take a hit. When I am exhausted and over worked by life I loose efficiency. Things tick me off that a week a go would have had no affect on me. I jump at fewer opportunities to do what God says and jump at more opportunities to sleep or think about something absolutely mindless.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do you?

One of the strangest things I have found in being a long distance runner is that the pain and fatigue of a run attack worse when you stop running then when you are actually running. Your body can go forever until you have to bend over and retie you shoes and find you can’t get back up.

I think this is why I am afraid of stopping- that I will loose some hidden momentum and have to start from scratch. What I fail to realize is that by not stopping, I am loosing that momentum. If I never stop, I will never know if I am heading the wrong direction until I get where I am going and realize I need to turn around and by then I will be too tired to care.

“Remembering the Sabbath,” in my opinion, does not mean that every Sunday must be lazy, as for most ministers Sunday has to be the busiest day of the week. It means that sometimes it is required to just stop. To be still and know that He is God. Even the Energizer Bunny has to stop eventually.
I’m going to go take a nap now.

3-2-1 Blast off, Crash down

Last week NASA made headlines once again. Instead of blasting humans into the lifeless vault of space or sending a robot that in ten years would send us some confusing pictures of E.T.’s backyard, we just decided to crash.
3-2-1 blast-off, crash down.
This was all according to plan, and not some malfunction or terrorist plot. We meant to crash straight into the moon. Apparently a crash of that magnitude would blow many tons of moon dust into the air thus revealing an inner layer of the infamous ball of cheese we have never seen.
Sleepy-eyed children and eccentric science goers arose early to peer through their dusty telescopes waiting to see the promised mushroom cloud of tax payer dollars erupt on the surface of that orbiting unknown. We watched live with anticipation through telescopic cameras recording from all sides this momentous event as the rocket got closer to its target the news stations were on hold waiting for the explosion; with anchors more than ready to mark this as one of the significant events they had the privilege of covering.
“It has almost landed, we are actually going to see history happen, just watch the screen and you will see-wait what’s that? There must be some sort of problem, we are getting reports from NASA that the rocket has already landed- play back the tape see if we missed it. I got nothing.”
Like Geraldo and Al Capone’s safe; all the hype and nothing worth watching.
What was expected to make an impact showed no signs of it at all.
I don’t want to be that rocket but I might be already. I am setting out to make an impact, to make a difference, to do something worth watching, but have I done it? Am I all hype?
After it is all said and done will anybody have seen anything?
NASA still holds that the mission was a complete success, and by all accounts my time in high school will be too. I will graduate in the top 10 percent of my class with a decent GPA and an impressive student involvement resume. I will have teachers who remember me when I come back for homecoming games and peers who expect me to be successful at the time of our reunion. It will just be a success. That’s it.
Not to say that these things aren’t all good, but is that it?
“All that money, all that planning, all that anticipation… and we didn’t even see the explosion?”
Anyone can have success, I want an impact. It has to be more. God use me to stir up the dust around us, and let them see Your explosion.

Early Aged Crisis

Saints and sinners, lend me your ears 1
And I will spill out to you all of my greatest fears.
We chose knowledge in the garden, and do I regret it,
Have we the boldness to actually beget it?

We could spend a whole day discussing the world
I could impress you with anything (or so I think)
But would it matter much?
We could talk Haggai, Whitman, McJagger or Polluck 2
Biblically, linguistically, musically, artistically and your jaw just might drop
Te omni credant quod linguam mortuum dictas 3
You would say “oh but you are so young
But you speak as though your walk has long begun”
But what do I gain by your accolades?
Nothing, I think, yet these I pursue.
I feel I am so well rounded I cannot walk a straight line.

The world, for sure, thinks I have it all together
If this is true I would hate to see the mess they’ve got.
For everyone knows the mannequin on display is always the best dressed.

“I am young in years
And you are old
That is why I was fearful,
Not daring to tell you what I know.
I thought ‘Age should speak;
Advanced years should teach wisdom,’
But it is the Spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty that gives him understanding” 4
Sometimes it is easier to simply not understand

I thought the pursuit of wisdom and knowledge the noblest
But it is just like the rest
All pursuits will leave one fulfilled then lacking instead,
And all pursuits but one fail to end well,
For the pursuit of God is the only worth its salt
And see here, my predicament? If I relate to Solomon now
What more is there to learn? 5

Today I am feeling a little poetic
Tomorrow perhaps a little athletic but if I can help it, never pathetic.
The bottom line is I am not happy looking down at the world through my microscope
“Wisdom beyond my years” is not as fortunate as you would presume

For some time I have been fixated on legacy
Screaming out to the world “Remember Me Remember Me”
But footprints are made by people who go places
Not by those stomping their feet in frustration
I do not believe I have ever gone anywhere as matter of fact,
Screaming out to the world “Remember Me Remember Me”
Why, I am so full of direction I do not know where I am going.
Always desiring greatness, of course
Thinking it equated happiness, of course.
Oh but the great are not great until they are dead and I cannot wait that long

“This apple tastes so good; I do think I will take another bite”
Is it wrong that happiness is my only motive?
What then should be my motive for finding the right motive?
Is compassion still itself when my happiness depends on it?

In our talk, your mind I’d be forever psychoanalyzing
And as for me I am never realizing what it is I myself am actually thinking.
I am Tiresias, 6 seer of the worlds’ problems yet unable to see himself

Thoreau taught us to live deliberately 7
But the best things I have ever done have happened accidentally.
(Though to no credit of my own)
“And would it have been worth it all”
Says Eliot
“To have squeezed the universe into a ball?” 8
Can a philosophy solve it at all?
Surely man you do not think that poking and prodding at the best possible way to live life is the best way to actually live it
Eat and Drink and be all the Merrier 5

“But the second bite does not taste so sweet
Am I lazy, unfaithful or disillusioned if I find something else to eat?”
Does passion have to be the force behind every action?
Is it ok that sometimes the mundane, ordinary, routine, everyday
Is the first to wipe the sleep from my eyes?

Heart stings on my guitar strings; do I want what the truth brings?
Yes, yes with all that I am, yes
Veritas! Veritas! Vivere volunto! 9
Whoever said ignorance is bliss surely must not have been happy with truth
He did not know; he does not know
He must not have heard that the truth will set him free,
But is a bird unknowing of its cage actually free?
Maybe, maybe

Dum spiro, spero;10 but the way is so so narrow
And how I fear the un-extraordinary
And don’t you?
Is that why you refuse to think, to believe, to love?
The chance that the world were as miserable as you believe haunts me
And so, I fear the un-extraordinary, the un-great, the ordinary

And now, how can I close?
Have I said in poem what I could not in prose?
Dilapidated, frustrated, the solution: me prostrated
The more I learn, the more I yearn
For more for me to learn.
Knowledge stings like wasp when; at times it has an ugly head
But alas! Rejoice, for after sting, it’s dead, it’s dead!
Knowledge and wisdom have torn me apart
But I remain that I would not have chose a different path
Because they are what make me unlike Lewis’ toy soldiers 11
Thinking, breathing, hurting, loving
And now what?





Footnotes:
1-taken from Marc Antony’s speech at Caesar’s funeral in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar
2- Haggai was a minor prophet of the Old Testament who proclaimed the rebuilding of the Temple to the Jews, Walt Whitman was a 20th century American poet famous for the series of poems “Song of Myself,” McJagger is the lead singer of the Rolling Stones and famous for singing “I Can’t get no satisfaction,” Jackson Polluck was an American pop artist famous for his technique of “Splatter Paint,” making beautiful paintings from the mere pouring of paint in a seemingly chaotic way.
3-Latin for: They all believe you because you speak a dead language
4- taken from Job 32 (NIV) spoken by Elihu, a young man displeased with the way Job was blaming God and refusing to consider that he was not the most righteous thing on the planet. After this God gives a very lengthy rebuke against Job, confirming Elihu’s speech
5- The whole book of Ecclesiastes
6- Blind prophet in the Greek tragedies of Sophocles regarding Oedipus (Oedipus Rex, Oedipus at Colossus and Antigone)
7- Taken from Walden by Henry David Thoreau
8- “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot
9- Latin for: Truth! Truth! I wish to live!
10- Latin for: While I breathe, I hope taken from a quote by Seneca
11- C.S. Lewis discusses the realities of Free Will in his book Mere Christianity using the illustration of toy soldiers

Familiar Carpet

This summer I got to spend 3 weeks at one of my favorite places in the world, it is a place where I have spent a portion of my summer every year since I was about 9. Camp Timberlake in Forsyth, Georgia.
Camp is such an amazing place where the expectancy for God to show up and dramatically change lives is higher than any place I have ever been.
Every summer I get super-charged from the nightly altar calls and I come home excited for school to start.
Returning to camp this year I began thinking.


Our “sanctuary” is a huge metal building clearly divided into 2 halves by a really ugly curtain that spans the width of the building. The first, being a basketball court, has been the site of more dodge-ball casualties than anyone cares to count though it seems that the threat of a ball sized scar to the face has yet to prevent any eager camper from jumping on the court in a frenzy.
The other half is the place of all the real excitement.
There is a stage up front, usually covered with instruments or puppet stages, and to the left and right of it are giant makeshift screens for use with the projector. About 10 feet from the edge of the stage is the shore of the sea of dying metal chairs which hold our butts in discomfort as our hearts are in metamorphoses.
The entire floor is clothed with what you could vaguely call carpet. Really it is a thin brown sheet that used to be carpet and only serves to further the distinction between the halves of the building. I know this carpet better than any spot on the entire camp.
The reason for this is simple. Every summer I spend every night of the week on my face, on that carpet.
It is the place where lives are changed, it is the place that all the good ole Pentecostal worship that everyone expects takes place.
As I was sitting in one of the services this summer I began to reflect on that old beaten carpet.
How many times had I myself had such encounters with God on that very spot?
How many of my sins were forgiven, promises were made and reassurances received on that very carpet?
Then I began thinking what that does to carpet. Thousands upon thousands of people, from almost birth to senior status, have wept for joy or sorrow on that carpet. I have seen people in such attitudes of worship that they would never want to be seen in public because a combination of tears, snot ad sweat have flowed off of them. And onto the carpet.
Despite the gross salt content of this carpet, I love it.
I love that carpet because it is where I continue to find who I am.

In a week I begin my senior year of high school.
A couple of years ago I would have laughed at anybody who said that I would be scared at the up-coming year because back then I had it all figured out. I really thought I knew everything.
Right now I have no idea where my feet will take me when they lead me off the graduation stage.
It seems as though my whole life has been crescendo-ing to this year and I really am excited at the amazing things God has planned for this year and for my life. I have always seen the big picture and now I just don’t know how to get there.
I am learning that I need to take the feeling of that familiar carpet in to unfamiliar territory.

I have learned a lot this summer, and am still learning.
I may not have the emotional encounters with God every day but He will never be too far away. I trust Him, wherever He leads me.

Thoughts on 2 Peter: pt 1

Lately I have been reading 2 Peter and it seems that every line is filled with amazing bits of knowledge that I really don't want to forget and the best way I think through things is to write about them so that is what I am going to do in the next couple blogs.

1:1 Peter describes himself as a slave or servant in some translations. This is usually a term we Christians like to avoid because it really doesn't sound good to us or the outside world.No one wants to be a slave. I can't think of any good connotations of the word slave. This is interesting to me because Peter spends the rest of the letter talking about how awesome the grace and peace of God are. He uses the word slave to emphasize complete surrender of his own desires, it isn't that God is a slave driver but that we should be willing to do whatever a slave would be required to do.

Next Peter reminds the audience that he was one of the original 12. He uses the word apostle which should be noted. Apostle comes the Greek word apostolos and is used numerous times throughout New Testament by Paul. He referred to himself as an apostle even though he wasn't one of those hand-picked by Jesus. In fact he used to kill Christians before he became one himself. Paul used this word in regard to a specific calling to a position in the body of Christ in the same breath of prophets, teachers and evangelists. There has been a lot of debate as to what the actual definition of this term means but we see here that Paul and Peter disagree (once again) in their interpretations.
When Peter says apostle, he is talking about THE apostles. Himself and eleven other men who followed so closely to Jesus they were covered in the dust His sandals kicked up behind Him. They actually saw and experienced the things Paul could only preach about. The 12. They were better than the Justice League, which says a lot. You would think that there would be some sort of arrogance attached to this but check out the next verse.
Peter is writing "to those who have obtained a faith of equal privelage with ours." Peter is saying to these people that even though they never met Jesus or maybe haven't even seen Jesus are on the same level as the guys who were best friends with Him. That is huge. Peter is pulling everybody up to his level, a slave.

Where are you valuable?

Very little of my childhood could be described as normal. I spent the first 6 years of my life at the Florida United Methodist Childrens Home where my parents worked and lived 6 out of every 9 days; growing up around teenage girls, most of which had been sexually and physically abused. Don't get me wrong I have nothing to complain about regarding my childhood, I am so grateful for how I have been raised- I'm just saying it isn't normal. Because in my eyes I was different than my peers, I didn't feel valuable. The problem with a pursuit of normalcy is it is impossible, which I realized very quickly. When I would fail drastically at being normal I would feel worthless. Then I made a discovery. I found that being the weird one in the group was just as good as being like everyone else. I found my worth in my weirdness.
As I got older I discovered I was really good at being a Christian. I could quote more scripture than anybody and I impressed a lot of adults with my "spiritual maturity." I found my worth in that I could be super-Christian, always ready with some profound nugget of wisdom.
Then God showed me the story of Job in a way I have never seen before.
It seems to be a rule that you cannot speak about Job without giving a message on perseverance or faithfulness. I am going to break that rule.
The first thing I notice is that Job 1:3 says that Job was the greatest man in the area, not the richest as one would expect after reading the list of all his possessions in the prior verses. His claim to fame was not in his wealth.
He was righteous.
Everyone knew Job as the righteous one, always ready with some profound nugget of Jewish law.
Everyone knew he was righteous, except for Satan. I don't really understand this famous confrontation between God and Satan but what I got out of it was that Satan didn't know Job. That, to me is the first clue that Job's righteousness was reputation only and not authentic because if Satan doesn't know your name then you aren't a threat to him which means you are doing nothing for the kingdom of God-that is just a side note.
When all Job had was taken away, Job instantly went in to martyr-mode gathering the city to come have pity on me. No he didn't sin, sinning would have discredited his reputation. Instead he held onto his "righteousness" to the point of almost accusing God of injustice because Job could not face the fact that he wasn't as holy as God.
Job and I relied solely on our reputation as Godly people for our worth. We were doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons.
It has been only up until very recently that I have discovered my true worth- how valuable I am to God. It doesn't matter how good of a Christian I am because He loves me the same. He loves me the same if I leave the Church and turn my back on Him. There is nothing I can do to earn His love, because I already have all of it.
So what now? If God loves us regardless why bother living any certain way? Why bother changing what we do?
There is a story I have heard that probably isn't true about a village that probably doesn't exist.
In this village lived a man with 2 daughters, one of which was the most beautiful woman in the the land and lets just say the other was definitely not. Every man in the village tried their hand at being her suitor, and the father was offered many expensive dowries for her hand in marriage. One man offered to pay the father 5 of his fattest cows in exchange for betrothal to the sought after woman.
Now a wise man was walking through the village looking for a wife when he came to the father and said "I will give you ten of my fattest cows for your daughter." The father thought to himself "What a blessing! I get double the dowry for the same daughter" and immediately agreed to the exchange. The wise man, however, was referring to the other daughter. Everyone in the village thought the man was a fool- paying so much for such an ugly wife that her father would have given away had he had the chance.
Fast forward a couple years.
We see the same wise man, happy at home married to a beautiful and faithful woman.
The same woman rejected by the village had started taking care of and beautifying herself. What changed?
She knew she was valuable to her husband.
She knew the price he paid for her.
People want to be everything they can for the one who shows them their value.
She was worth 10 cows to this man, if I remember correctly we are promised the cattle on a thousand hills.
So what's the problem?
If we know what the price paid for us was why aren't we who we were created to be?


I don't think we believe it.


We sing about how much He loves us, and the price He paid for us but do we believe it?
Every person who has ever walked this planet has lived and died for what they believe in. You live life to the level you believe in it. Great people don't die for what they believe in, great people believe in something great to begin with. If you believe you are valuable, you will know that God absolutely wants the best for you and that He has the power to do so.

I am beginning to think the search for worth is the root of all of our problems.
If you don't believe Jesus loves you, you will try to find that love elsewhere.
Relationships.
Social status.
Masculinity.

The reason we keep slipping back into the same old stuff is because we feel the same old stuff is where our value is.
We find value in being the bad kid, or being the one who can't commit, or the one who won't accomplish anything or the one who annoys everyone around them.

This is a real hard lesson to learn. As I was giving this message I saw in the audience heads nodding and mouths yawning and I immediately started measuring my worth by how well I could give a sermon. God doesn't care, He just loves me.

Crickets

One of the best parts of camping is the night. Stars that went unnoticed are now blinding reflections of the Creator, covering the entire vastness of sky like a Jackson Polluck gone exactly right. There is always this unexplainable stillness that just saturates the air. And there are crickets.
These crickets that deafen indoors-mens’ ears with their noises and serenade outdoors-mens’ ears with their song.
It is impossible to distinguish between their cheeps. One cricket a hundred feet away sounds pretty much the same as the one underneath your tent. It is impossible to even pick out one specific cricket over a group of crickets. They are unified. One continuous and resounding song erupting from all sides.
The chirp of a cricket is just simply a mating call. It is the only thing a cricket knows how to do to get the only thing it desires. The cricket is wanting and in need so it cries out every night desperate for someone to hear him and fill his desperation.
Every night the air is filled with the chirps of those who are wanting.
One curious thing about these crickets is that it is so easy to block them out of mind no matter how loud they get. I was sitting last night talking about absolutely nothing with some guys before we headed to our tent exhausted to go to sleep when I heard them. I had heard them so many times before but this time I really heard them. I was in one of those moments that apparently happen quite frequently where I zone out the world around me and get all philosophical in my head. I started thinking about the mating calls of these insects.
The sun had been down for a couple hours already so the crickets had been at it for awhile and I didn’t hear them. I am so used to hearing this racket that I blocked it out completely. How many other cries for help have I blocked out because I was used to them?
Everyone around me is doing all they can to get my attention and they are all chirping individually so loud and unified that they have become this easily ignored annoyance. When I finally stopped to hear them I realized they were really, really loud –so loud that we were raising our voices just to be heard over them. We are doing everything we can to ignore them.
They were the first thing I heard on my first camping trip, and they kept me awake all night. I was 8 and I couldn’t fathom how loud they could be. When I went on my first trip with the Holy Spirit I was amazed at how loud the world was screaming and the thought of these hurting people kept me awake all night. I really need to hear those crickets again.
I was laying in my sleeping bag last night with the sound of these crickets resonating in my ears. I have to hear them. I thank God I get to.